Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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