you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
