Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
