I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
