Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
