There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
