Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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