I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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