Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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