having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
