Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
