She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
