My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
