I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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