I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
