I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
