You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
