Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
