He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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