can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
