i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
