i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
