a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
