is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
