I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i think my cat just said my name.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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