Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
