Farmville is her only friend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
