Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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