Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Will exercising make me less horny?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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