She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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