I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
