i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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