I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
