Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
