well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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