... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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