the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
