i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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