I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
