I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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