i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
