:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
