K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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