You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
