No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
