That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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