I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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