god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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