i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
