She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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