Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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