She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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