So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
