Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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