i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
